Doula-Inspired Reflection on My Final Chapter 

For most of my life, I was the planner—the one who overthought every detail. Yet this last chapter has unfolded in a way that reminds me: life happens. It simply… happened.

There were turning points: a divorce at 50, my only son diagnosed with Lupus and non Cancerous Lymphoma. My older daughter was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. No romantic partner appeared to fill the space left behind. No in-laws from any of my 3 children and 1  granddaughter to weave new threads into the family fabric.  Two siblings, yet I’ve chosen solitude rather than leaning on them.

Over four decades, I moved through many work settings and 10 addresses, guided by mantras like “Run fast and break things” and “I don’t come to work to make friends.” That path set the stage for life in the solo-ager lane.

Now, as I look toward the final exit, my planning takes on a different shape—one rooted in clarity and peace. Here are the choices I’ve made:

• Home: A room I rent from my eldest foster son. Here, I feel safe and seen—no small gift in today’s world.
• Preparedness: I’ve arranged for my body to be donated to Robert Wood Medical Rutger Medical School leaving little for my children to worry about.
• Self-care: I live gently with myself—walking 4-5 hours a week, eating mindfully, sleeping deeply. My life may look “boring,” but it’s steady and kind.
• Community: I’m not a joiner, but I build alliances—a “Life Flight Team” for my final takeoff. I share my intentions openly; sometimes, the right help comes from unexpected places.
• Focus: I do my homework, sift through the noise, and stay present. No shiny distractions. I am aging. I will die. That truth deserves my attention.
• Gratitude: When doubt whispers “Why me?” I answer with gratitude: for what is, for what has been. My work now is to live fully, grow personally, and leave a positive imprint. To build the structure that gives me the best chance at a good death—because, as I’ve heard, “You die as you lived.” For me, that means planning and thoughtfulness, even now.

I have achieved the goal I have for all; to Die a graceful death!

Marc D Malamud

Transitioning Doula