Bridging the Divide: Why End-of-Life Doulas Need to Show Up in Funeral Spaces

By Jess Wakefield

As I walked the expo floor at the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA) convention, I was struck by the hum of conversation and innovation that filled the room. Booths line the aisles with new products, emerging technologies, and creative ways to serve families better. It’s one of the few places where thousands of funeral professionals gather to learn, connect, and grow.

And yet, something is missing.

For all the growth in the end-of-life movement, the rise of death doulas, home vigils, death cafés, and community care, I don’t see many doulas represented here.

That absence says a lot.

The Divide No One Is Really Bridging

There’s an ongoing tension between end-of-life doulas and funeral directors that seems to live just under the surface.

• Doulas often express that funeral directors aren’t welcoming, that the profession feels closed off or territorial.

• Funeral directors, in turn, sometimes see doulas as overstepping or “taking their jobs.”

It’s a story I’ve heard again and again. But what I rarely see is anyone truly trying to bridge the gap.

The irony is that both groups share a mission: to care for people through one of the most profound experiences of human life. Funeral directors bring structure, legal compliance, and ritual support. Doulas bring presence, emotional continuity, and education before and after death. Both fill different, essential parts of the same continuum.

When we stop talking about each other and start talking to each other, we realize how much overlap there really is.

A Missing Presence

If doulas want to be understood, respected, and welcomed as collaborators in deathcare, then the spaces where funeral directors gather are exactly where they should be.

Imagine walking this convention floor and seeing a booth that reads:
“What is an End-of-Life Doula?”

Imagine a place where funeral directors could ask:

• How do you work with families before death?

• What happens when you stay with the body?

• How can we partner to create continuity of care?

Education changes everything. When we learn what the other does, we replace assumptions with understanding.

NFDA conventions, state association meetings, and continuing education events are powerful platforms to connect. Many funeral directors I know want to understand the doula role. They just don’t know where to start.

But they will never learn if doulas stay in entirely separate circles.

The Power of Showing Up

Showing up matters. It says:
“I respect your work enough to meet you in your space.”
“I believe we share a purpose, and I want to collaborate, not compete.”

When doulas step into funeral spaces, they help rewrite the narrative. They show that this isn’t a tug-of-war, it’s a partnership waiting to happen.

Funeral directors are trained to handle logistics and legalities. Doulas are trained to hold space and navigate emotional terrain. Together, we can create continuity of care that begins before death and extends long after.

Families deserve that.

And both professions benefit from it.

Building Mutual Respect

That means funeral directors should also be open to learning. Attend a doula training or community workshop. Read about the philosophy behind doula work. Ask questions from a place of curiosity rather than protectionism.

And doulas, step into our world for a moment.
Learn what it takes to navigate permits, vital records, legal custody, and compliance. Understand the immense emotional labor that comes with being a licensed caregiver of the dead.

When you’ve seen both sides, you realize how much mutual respect there should be.

The Invitation

The doula movement is growing fast. The funeral profession is changing, too. We are both trying to meet families where they are, honor their values, and create experiences that heal rather than harm.

But transformation only happens when we meet each other halfway.

So, doulas, consider this your invitation:
Get a booth. Attend a conference. Walk the floor. Hand out your cards. Build relationships. Let the profession meet you.

The families we serve deserve an integrated continuum of care, from bedside to graveside, from last breath to final resting place.

Let’s stop standing on opposite sides of the bridge. Let’s start walking across it.

 Marc D Malamud

Transitioning Doula